Ok... naturally, it wasn't until after I finished last night's post and tossed and turn for an hour or two that I put a couple things together with Vint's comment about his 6-foot cousin or sister or whatever. I might be starting to get a grip on this thing. I just want to say that I wasn't looking for a miracle favor. I just needed to talk to people I could trust. The treatment makes that difficult. So... I offer my sincerest apologies to Vint and I'm going to do some minor editing when I'm done with this post. I'm still not sure why Lauren did what she did, though. Either way, I've done what I needed to and I guess I'm going with the flow a bit now.
Here's the thing--and I think most of those involved would be aware of this: a big part of what I've been through is designed to make you paranoid and destroy your ability to trust anyone. How was I supposed to know Vint is doing whatever good-guy job (other than trying to hook me up with his Amazonian cousin) it is that Berkley actors get hired for in these situations? The complexity of the deception I've been subject to is meant to destroy your mind. It's perfectly natural to be both defensive and angry, which is what bothers me about Lauren's act yesterday. It's not really any of the individual acts that bother me that much--it's the conspiracy. I don't mind being asked about my height. But it's obvious to me when it's coming from someone who's been a part of my harassment. I've heard that anger turned inward causes depression. ("Anger turned sideways is Hawkeye.") I did that favor for my family for many years. To provoke someone to anger and then penalize them for expressing it sounds to me like a sure way to induce depression and you, Lauren, and no one else is worth me being depressed over. It's not rocket-surgery once you understand the basics. I had no idea, before.
Speaking of my family... I've taken many opportunities in this blog to whine like a baby about how bad my family is. As if I come from the only dysfunctional family on Earth or something, right? How absurd. That's not it. I know there are worse cases of mutual dysfunction and this is the last time I intend to cover this. To be clear: it was a pre-meditated, conscious group effort (Right, Paul K.? It's a group effort, right? You blew it, dummie.) with the goal of my personal destruction through means of psychological abuse and wide-spread defamation. There was a time when I took part in the mutual insult contest. For whatever reason, I reached a point where I saw and understood the destructive nature of it and made the conscious decision that I would not participate. Carrie asked me, "Why don't you fight back." I said, "Because I don't want to lower myself to that level." I was (and still am) quite secure with my accomplishments. I figured they were doing it just to make themselves feel better and that somehow it was my duty to take it. I didn't realize either the pervasive negative effect it was having on me or the magnitude of their intentions. I didn't know that when you're magnanimous in the face of torment, it only angers the tormentors even more. I also read something about how opinionated selfish people will also act negatively toward people who sacrifice. My god, I sacrificed my ego for them throughout most of my adult life. I'm proud, though, that I stayed above it for the duration of our relationship.
The whole thing wouldn't work if it wasn't secret and none of them will ever admit it. Here's the cool thing: I do have a witness. Look her up. I remember the moment she realized it as her father explained it. After trying to explain it to me, he said, referring to me, "No, he's just going to think we're trying to come between him and them. It's the worse kind of abuse because it's invisible." Carrie understood and gasped loudly. I had no clue. They exploited my loyalty. That's the deviousness of it. I'll say it again: my ex-immediate family is pure scum and nothing more. My brother-in-law said to my brother once on Christmas eve (I'm not sure whether or not it was the year they all sat there intentionally eating with their mouths open just to irritate me. Not just one or two of them. All of them--simultaneously and exaggeratedly . They knew it was something I wasn't a fan of--because "I think I'm better than them", of course. Good and proper human beings eat with their mouths open. I missed that at some point. It recently dawned on me that my family wasn't that way before you, RAT. They all caved except me. Chomp on that for a while.), "One of these days he's going to figure it out and kill you." (My memory is just downright amazing, isn't it RAT121?)
Joseph
C. Zoccali, Clearwater, Florida; Rick Wilson,
Niles, Ohio; Christine
Faranda, Cleveland, Ohio; Len Spector; Marc Greece, A&E
Networks; Reverend David Plank, Palatine Bridge, NY; Carrie (Plank) Bruno,
Queens, NY; Cynthia Green,
Tech Recruiter; Sioux
Logan, Red Stream Technologies; Mike Tricario, MTV; Sean Newman, Columbus, Ohio; Jim
Reed, Columbus, Ohio; Zynga; Marty
Eggert, Cleveland, Ohio; Kathy Haxton, Cleveland, Ohio, St. Joe’s Medical Center, Warren, Ohio; Coleman Professional Services,
Warren, Ohio; Laura
McCormick
An
Pham, anpham1111@gmail.com; Anna Stepnova, stepnova@aol.com; Barbara Anne Wolf, wolf.barbara.anne@gmail.com, (415) 812-4926; Brian Montague, jetbpm@aol.com; Charles
Crites, critesfam@sbcglobal.net; EHSOH, lovycera@gmail.com; Elizabeth
Nicolosi, elizabethnicolosi@hotmail.com; Kristy
Guertin, guertk@spu.edu; Meagan Franz, meaganfranz@hotmail.com; Miyako
Abe, mtea2006@yahoo.com; Nora Salah, nsalah01@yahoo.com; Teresa Keller, teresa@rtwwithus.org; Natasha
Warder;
.
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